One Step Forward, Two Steps Back?

The most difficult thing for me about the entertainment industry is uncertainty; you never know how things will work out.

And yet, turn this scenario around and you also find a lot of positive: you never know how things might turn out.

You are only as good as your last gig: Today crummy? Tomorrow is a new day!

I went to three call backs, two castings and was in a feature film. I thought my cards were decently stacked.

They all ended up jokers.

C'est la vie! That, truly, is life. In the end, the true test for me is pulling what positive I can away from these experiences, moving on, and, hopefully, building a more solid foundation for something better tomorrow.

I can't help but wonder, however, in this results-driven society, when have you finally made it? Does anyone really make it? Is that really the point?

Sometimes I'm angry at myself for having the courage to go after my dream and first love in life; to be an actress. I had a budding career as a journalist in Berlin and, in comparison to now, felt like I was on top of the world.

But I had to go and interview George Clooney, Shirley McClaine, Jamie Foxx, Michelle Yeoh and remembered, through them, my first and last true love: acting, the theater, film. They inspired me to the point that I gave everything up to move to the Big Apple, an enormous undertaking in and of itself.

It all seems like lifetimes ago.

You know, I get to a plateau where I think I understand it all -- and then the world takes another turn, and I realize that the only thing I know is that there is so much to know that I know nothing.

How's that for wisdom?

I think that Picasso said it best: Je ne cherche pas, je trouve. I do not search, I find.

So, let's sum up what could be found from the three callbacks, a feature film and no dice:

1.) I love auditioning and am getting to be good enough to receive a callback -- an enormous honor in an of itself.

2.) I need to work on my callback technique.

3.) I could use more work on "Acting for the Camera."

4.) I need to get out there and see more theater and meet more people.

The other thing I love about acting? You can never, NEVER say that you've exhausted all of your resources. And, thus, it is back to the drawing board.
I'll keep you posted.