The life of an actor, whether it be that of the theater stage or film set, can be both an exciting, but also a lonely life – punctuated, of course, by moments of sheer panic and self-loathing when trying to make a decent wage following what is one’s dream.
Actually, it often reminds me of the time when I was a competitive swimmer. You train numerous hours, both alone, and in a group, only to wait countless hours for your big moment when you get on a platform and spring into action for what, in the end, is really only a couple of minutes, seconds even. Months of work all summed up in one exhilaratingly spectacular, or disappointingly dull, moment in time.
Still, when that moment is truly seized – there are very few things in life that bring such intense emotion, human connection and physical accomplishment. It feels like life, truly lived… every moment of those accumulated seconds toward intellectual and creative expression.
Even now, as I write this, I sit in my picture car in Manhattan at 9 p.m. on a Friday night, miles away from my family, on the set of Spider Man, working as a Screen Actors Guild background actor, trying to earn extra money to make ends meet in between bigger acting and production gigs. It is a small part of the big plan of working my way slowly up the ladder.
Do I have moments of intense self-doubt as to what I’m doing in this industry and is it a waste of time and passion? Absolutely.
And yet, as with the film Her Telling Heart, the short, Gothic thriller adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s short story, “The Tell-tale Heart,” which I wrote, produced through my company, Personae Entertainment, directed and acted in, I do see progress toward realizing my career goals and personal/professional passion.
Above all, I see myself as blessed that I am in touch with my dreams and, moreover, able to pursue them. This is something that I often think, in these times, we take for granted. In reality, it is a luxury.
So, you see, sitting on the set of Spider Man for a wrinkle in time to pay the bills is really not so bad. I am a small part of a bigger picture on this one. – And, during waiting times like right now, I am able to do one of my favorite things in the world: write.
