The life of an actor, whether it be that of the theater stage or film set, can be both an exciting, but also a lonely life – punctuated, of course, by moments of sheer panic and self-loathing when trying to make a decent wage following what is one’s dream. 

Actually, it often reminds me of the time when I was a competitive swimmer.  You train numerous hours, both alone, and in a group, only to wait countless hours for your big moment when you get on a platform and spring into action for what, in the end, is really only a couple of minutes, seconds even.  Months of work all summed up in one exhilaratingly spectacular, or disappointingly dull, moment in time.

Still, when that moment is truly seized – there are very few things in life that bring such intense emotion, human connection and physical accomplishment.  It feels like life, truly lived… every moment of those accumulated seconds toward intellectual and creative expression.

Even now, as I write this, I sit in my picture car in Manhattan at 9 p.m. on a Friday night, miles away from my family, on the set of Spider Man, working as a Screen Actors Guild background actor, trying to earn extra money to make ends meet in between bigger acting and production gigs.  It is a small part of the big plan of working my way slowly up the ladder.

Do I have moments of intense self-doubt as to what I’m doing in this industry and is it a waste of time and passion?  Absolutely. 

And yet, as with the film Her Telling Heart, the short, Gothic thriller adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s short story, “The Tell-tale Heart,” which I wrote, produced through my company, Personae Entertainment, directed and acted in, I do see progress toward realizing my career goals and personal/professional passion.

Above all, I see myself as blessed that I am in touch with my dreams and, moreover, able to pursue them.  This is something that I often think, in these times, we take for granted.  In reality, it is a luxury.

So, you see, sitting on the set of Spider Man for a wrinkle in time to pay the bills is really not so bad.  I am a small part of a bigger picture on this one.  – And, during waiting times like right now, I am able to do one of my favorite things in the world: write.

A Day in the Life of a Fledgling Filmmaker

I dream in film shots, frames and cuts right now. My head's spinning around 180 degree and 30 degree rules. And I'm trying to find the perfect pencil to draw erasable lines along a straight and noble ruler for daily script coverage calculations.

Gearing up for my first big, solo directing project, "A Fork in the Road," I'm in preproduction Haedes and can only see dangling edges to tie together.

There's the shot list and the storyboard and then, "oh no!" a script rewrite--back to the shot list and storyboard. And then the actors, they changes according to whether or not they have the passion, or the time...or the money to allow themselves the time.

And if I could only relate my nightmares about film being ruined or underexposed or--worst of all--poorly shot and poorly directed.

Whewwww, I'm glad I have Doug Schulze and Kurt Mawry from the Motion Picture Institute of Michigan (sorry about the plug, dear reader, but they disserve it!), Rob Skates in Cinematography, Tim Savage for Screenwriting and, tada!, our new "Producing" class instructor, the incredible Kathleen McDermont, who could sail a preproduction perfect storm.

I'll be posting more about this filmmaking adventure in the days and weeks to come. And, as always, I welcome your comments (although go easy on the criticism, okay? I'm green at this).

H.P.