I have two artistic identities -- one, as Heidi Philipsen, actor and writer; the other, as Eli Meissner (short for Elizabeth), as director and producer.
Why? You ask.
Well, we all have two sides, the one in control who calls the shots and the vulnerable one who learns to take them and process them creatively.
This last year has taken me on a journey in film making that connects both of those personas and leads them down one road. Funny, my last film, A FORK IN THE ROAD, was about choices between two paths in life. This next one, HER TELLING HEART, is about reconciling those choices in one's heart.
But it's not easy reconciling a life's journey in one's heart, especially if that journey had traumatic moments which have never been let out to see the light of day... consciously, that is. And this film, a short, narrative adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Telltale Heart," has taken me into my own 'heart of darkness' parallel to the challenges one has in making a film.
When I was five, I was made to be a victim, over and over again. The trouble with being victimized when you are that young is that all it does is set you up for a life of victimization and abuse -- a finely lined walk between the roles of victim and abuser -- unless you get serious help.
I never told anyone about it and held it in for years -- held it in so tightly that my life depended on it. Faith, work, sports and understanding angels disguised as "mortal" friends made it all bearable. And yet, in retrospect, I would guess that many people close to me saw it, suspected it. Still, I was so sure I could fool everyone into thinking I was fine and my world was perfect.
Our society walks a fine line between dictating perfection and individualism any way. Always trying to be perfect and fit in perfectly... even when you don't want to and you shouldn't. Let's face it: perfection is an obsessive illusion.
And so, as it often goes with one's psyche, all of the hurt and pain and trauma had to be let out some way, some time; for me, that all came out in the creation of HER TELLING HEART. It's one thing if you just write a piece and be done with it. It's another, altogether, if you see it through from start to finish on screen.
More soon... see the next post coming soon...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
She is Able Who Thinks She is Able
When you decide to focus your energy on the open doors in your life, rather than crying about those blasted closed ones, you begin to see just how full your plate really is...
This week, for example, I've got A LOT going on:
Scene study with Terry Schreiber at Terry Schreiber Studios, Arts and Entertainment Board of Schenectady Board Meeting, pre-production meetings for the September shoot of my next short film, HER TELLING HEART, and a screening of my MPI thesis film, A FORK IN THE ROAD at Symphony Space in NYC as an official part of the shorts program for the Manhattan Film Festival.
Of course, trying to juggle it all on a freelancer's budget -- that's another thing altogether.
And then, in the midst of writing this blog, I receive my morning quote from Bongo Productions on facebook:
The short, written, produced and directed by Heidi Philipsen, which features acclaimed Michigan actors, Grant Krause, Barbara Coven, Matt Andersen and Shelby Howe, will be screening on Thursday, July 22nd, at 7:45 p.m..
All Manhattan Film Festival screenings are to take place at Symphony Space on the upper West Side of Manhattan.
http://www.symphonyspace.org/event/6314-manhattan-film-festival-the-things-we-carry-?source=calendar
and use promotional code RAC102 for a $2 discount, which makes tickets purchased in advanced only $8!
This week, for example, I've got A LOT going on:
Scene study with Terry Schreiber at Terry Schreiber Studios, Arts and Entertainment Board of Schenectady Board Meeting, pre-production meetings for the September shoot of my next short film, HER TELLING HEART, and a screening of my MPI thesis film, A FORK IN THE ROAD at Symphony Space in NYC as an official part of the shorts program for the Manhattan Film Festival.
Of course, trying to juggle it all on a freelancer's budget -- that's another thing altogether.
And then, in the midst of writing this blog, I receive my morning quote from Bongo Productions on facebook:
"He is able who thinks he is able." Buddha
Thus, I view at all the challenges, financial, spacial and time-wise as such -- look at what I am able to do on a shoe-string budget, with only 24 hours in the day, spread out between Upstate, NY, NYC and Michigan (what I call my posse' triangle) and image the possibilities when I'm in the position to take the next step!
According to Buddha, the first step is opening my self up to being able to believe that I'm able. Combine that with Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and all I need to do is close my eyes, think happy thoughts, and push on through toward next week.
The short, written, produced and directed by Heidi Philipsen, which features acclaimed Michigan actors, Grant Krause, Barbara Coven, Matt Andersen and Shelby Howe, will be screening on Thursday, July 22nd, at 7:45 p.m..
All Manhattan Film Festival screenings are to take place at Symphony Space on the upper West Side of Manhattan.
http://www.symphonyspace.org/event/6314-manhattan-film-festival-the-things-we-carry-?source=calendar
and use promotional code RAC102 for a $2 discount, which makes tickets purchased in advanced only $8!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
I'm Back
It's been a while since I've written a blog. I've been under attack.
Martians took over my life, presented me with a lot of strife, and made me question my values, my family, my friends.
Some you keep, some you let go.
This I know: I am an artist, I create and through this process, along with my faith in God, I hold stay firmly rooted to Mother Earth, while gazing at the stars.
It's a heady place to be.
And I decided to take a step back, re-evaluate my life, be a part of QUALITY over quantity -- whether that be in friendship, in work, in faith.
More than ever, it seems to me that if you call out to the universe, your needs will be met. But you must be willing to listen, truly listen, and have the discipline to go the extra mile with all the people and endeavors you chose to let in to your life.
If not, let it go.
This is easier said than done. It is a constant state of pruning and nurturing. And some times, with some people, you should hold on, when you want to let go. And some times, with some people, you should let go, when you want to hold on.
Ultimately, however, for me, it's about being aware of your place in life and living it with purpose.
Everything else in life will follow suit.
Martians took over my life, presented me with a lot of strife, and made me question my values, my family, my friends.
Some you keep, some you let go.
This I know: I am an artist, I create and through this process, along with my faith in God, I hold stay firmly rooted to Mother Earth, while gazing at the stars.
It's a heady place to be.
And I decided to take a step back, re-evaluate my life, be a part of QUALITY over quantity -- whether that be in friendship, in work, in faith.
More than ever, it seems to me that if you call out to the universe, your needs will be met. But you must be willing to listen, truly listen, and have the discipline to go the extra mile with all the people and endeavors you chose to let in to your life.
If not, let it go.
This is easier said than done. It is a constant state of pruning and nurturing. And some times, with some people, you should hold on, when you want to let go. And some times, with some people, you should let go, when you want to hold on.
Ultimately, however, for me, it's about being aware of your place in life and living it with purpose.
Everything else in life will follow suit.
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